OK, I’m going to throw this out to the universe.\u00a0 It’s an idea that came to me whilst taking a nap, just before Christmas, and as enthusiastic as I am about it, nearly every bit of feedback I’ve got is there’s no value in pursuing it.\u00a0 If you’re a producer and this idea is interesting to you, I’m happy to be hired to write it – even direct it – so feel free to reach out.\u00a0 If you like the idea but don’t want me further involved, I’d appreciate a ‘story by’ credit and to know it’s happening.<\/p>\n
Title:<\/strong> Cannibal Lesbian Snuff Film<\/p>\n Subtitle:<\/strong> Featuring a lot of Gratuitous T&A<\/p>\n Logline:<\/strong> Follow the making-of an indie horror by an Ed Wood-like director desperate to escape his legacy.<\/p>\n Blurb:<\/strong><\/p>\n Harold\u2019s an award winning director of horror movies – the more graphic the violence and greater exposed female skin, the happier his fans.<\/p>\n There\u2019s just one problem: Harold hates horror and is mortified he makes his living as a misogynist objectifying women.<\/p>\n He comes up with a desperate idea: make a film so morally objectionable that no one will want to watch it.<\/p>\n A film within a film (within a film) documenting Harold\u2019s efforts to extract himself from his plight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n After approaching some friends and getting largely negative feedback, I asked on Reddit<\/a> for some additional thoughts.\u00a0 First on r\/Screenwriting<\/a> and at the urging of someone there, r\/Horror<\/a>.\u00a0 Sadly, the general consensus there was the likely market was too small to have any realistic chance at distribution.\u00a0 One poster, though, did suggestion the idea of a mockumentary<\/a>, which I think is an excellent fit, but thought the title was too provocative.<\/p>\n So, with no further ado (wtf does that even mean?), here’s the 1,500 word synopsis I wrote:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Fade in to a night-time chase in progress, fully colorized and with suitable music.\u00a0 Nude Woman is racing through the woods away from two other women wearing skimpy bikinis.\u00a0 Brunette Bikini is carrying a spot light and a camera, while Blonde Bikini has a crossbow.<\/p>\n The scene shifts to that of the camera being held by Brunette Bikini.\u00a0 A bit shaky and a little grainy, it shows Nude Woman from the back, waist up, running away.<\/p>\n Back to the HD version, the spotlight crosses Nude Woman, leaning against a tree to catch her breath.\u00a0 She looks back in terror. Blonde Bikini raises her crossbow. There\u2019s a twang and a bolt strikes the tree right next to her head.\u00a0 Nude Woman takes off running again.<\/p>\n She steps on something painful, looks directly into the camera crying out in pain, then falls down.\u00a0 The music and ambiance sounds fade. She painfully gets back on her feet and there\u2019s a second twang. The visuals switch to non-colorized and, from the back, Nude Woman leaps forward, an arrow in her back.\u00a0 Her butt is just out of sight below the bottom of the camera.<\/p>\n \u201cCut!\u201d<\/p>\n The view shifts to a behind-the-scenes look of a movie set.\u00a0 Nude Woman is wearing a backless one-piece flesh-colored bodysuit and is lying on pads, the camera right behind where she jumped forward.\u00a0 The other two actresses are in chairs, wearing robes, one reading a script, the other on her phone. Director walks toward Nude Woman.<\/p>\n \u201cCan you get a little higher?\u00a0 I\u2019d like to get your butt in frame.\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman stands up and, nodding, \u201cWon\u2019t you see my bathing suit?\u201d<\/p>\n Director shrugs, \u201cI\u2019ll paint it out in post. It\u2019s only a few frames.\u201d<\/p>\n Still with the BTS view, Nude Woman sets up, then leaps forward onto the mat.<\/p>\n \u201cPerfect.\u00a0 That\u2019s a wrap for Nude Woman.\u201d\u00a0 Everyone starts clapping. Nude Woman accepts the accolades.<\/p>\n Dissolve to an earlier scene.\u00a0 Still BTS, the in-frame camera is setup to capture Nude Woman running away.\u00a0 Nude Woman starts to run, steps on something painful, turns to look in shock back at the camera, then cries out in pain as she stumbles forward.<\/p>\n Director and several other people rush toward Nude Woman, various shouts of \u201cAre you OK?\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman rolls onto her back, clearly revealing she\u2019s wearing a flesh-colored bodysuit.\u00a0 She\u2019s grimacing and brushes off the sole of her foot. There\u2019s a red mark, but it\u2019s not bleeding.\u00a0 A nurse examines her foot, gently probing. Nude Woman winces a little, but gains confidence.<\/p>\n As everyone calms down, Director says, \u201cAre you OK if I use that shot?\u00a0 Your expression was perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman nods, \u201cGet the gold wherever it happens.\u201d<\/p>\n Dissolve to an office.\u00a0 The camera pans across a series of posters on the wall, cheap fake-wood paneling, all showing various \u2018B\u2019 horror movies, many featuring Nude Woman.\u00a0 While this is happening the dialog below prelaps.<\/p>\n Nude Woman, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry.\u00a0 I got the must-join letter yesterday, but wanted to tell you in person.\u201d<\/p>\n Director heaves a huge sigh.\u00a0 \u201cIt had to happen; you\u2019re too good for me.\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman: \u201cBut without you, I wouldn\u2019t be in this position.\u201d<\/p>\n Director: \u201cWhen is your last day?\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman: \u201cThe fifteenth.\u201d<\/p>\n The camera finishes its pan and is on Director and Nude Woman.\u00a0 He\u2019s behind a desk that looks like it was salvaged from a junkyard.\u00a0 His chair is similar and the chairs on the other side of the desk, where Nude Woman is sitting, are mismatched.<\/p>\n Director: \u201cI can change your role to a victim and get you shot out by then, if you like.\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman: \u201cI\u2019d love that.\u201d<\/p>\n She gets up and goes around to the director, who\u2019s looking forlornly at his desk.<\/p>\n Nude Woman: \u201cI won\u2019t forget where I came from. If you ever get big enough for SAG, send me whatever you got.\u201d<\/p>\n Director looks up with a little hope, then stands.\u00a0 Nude Woman gives him a hug. He returns it in non-creepy way.<\/p>\n Nighttime, colorized and with creepy music and background sounds, Blonde Bikini smiles in satisfaction as she kneels down to topless big breasted Victim, who\u2019s handcuffed on the ground with her arms stretched out above her.\u00a0 Blonde Bikini brandishes a big serrated knife and uses it to slowly slice one of Victim\u2019s breasts off. Victim screams in agony.<\/p>\n Brunette Bikini finishes setting up her camera. It\u2019s (grainy) recording Victim from just above her crotch to her wrists above her head.<\/p>\n (In HD) Brunette Bikini frowns, then walks toward Victim, brandishing a big-assed knife.\u00a0 Kneeling, she slams it down into the throat of Victim silencing her. The music and background fades.\u00a0 Victim stares up with a fixed expression of horror.<\/p>\n Upset, Blonde Bikini looks up at Brunette, \u201cWhy\u2019d you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n Brunette: \u201cAll that screaming gives me a headache.\u00a0 Probably gives our viewers one to.\u201d<\/p>\n The color goes away and the scene brightens.<\/p>\n Blonde: \u201cIt\u2019s my favorite part.\u00a0 I was planning to gut her before she died. Besides, they can always watch it on mute.\u201d<\/p>\n Brunette shrugs.\u00a0 \u201cGive me a bite?\u201d<\/p>\n Blonde takes a bite from the breast and hands it to Brunette.<\/p>\n Director: \u201cCut!\u00a0 Perfect. Let\u2019s get one more for insurance.\u00a0 Besides, I already paid for the second prosthetic.\u201d<\/p>\n Switch to BTS view, Victim lifts her hands from where they were \u2018secured\u2019 and releases the handcuffs using the built-in mechanism.\u00a0 She sits up and is helped to her feet by Brunette.<\/p>\n A BTS look where Victim is laying on her back.\u00a0 The arm next to the camera, which is pulled back some distance away, is up over her head while the other one is down by her side.\u00a0 Next to her head is a sheet of clear Plexiglas and just to the other side is a block of Styrofoam. Her neck has a small amount of blood on it.<\/p>\n Director calls \u2018Action.\u2019 and Brunette Bikini kneels down and slams the knife into the block of Styrofoam as the camera drops to Victim\u2019s neck.<\/p>\n Continuing BTS camera look, Interviewer approaches Nude Woman.\u00a0 \u201cYou were Director\u2019s lead for years, now you\u2019re relegated to practically a cameo.\u00a0 What\u2019s the story?\u201d<\/p>\n Nude Woman: \u201cI assume you know Director doesn\u2019t work with SAG, well I got a must-join letter.\u00a0 All thanks to him, really. Director making me lead is what got me the recognition to get onto mainstream productions.\u201d<\/p>\n Staying with BTS, Interviewer approaches Blonde and Brunette Bikinis about their scanty clothes and nude look.\u00a0 \u201cI admire you ladies for your\u2026 exposure while filming. Doesn\u2019t it make you uncomfortable to wear so little?\u201d<\/p>\n Blonde Bikini, gesturing to the two of them: \u201cWe\u2019re models, so are used to wearing next to nothing and parading around in front of lots of people with cameras.\u201d<\/p>\n Brunette Bikini, nodding: \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Realistically, we\u2019re wearing more and there\u2019s fewer people watching and recording than usual.\u201d<\/p>\n Colorized with music Blonde and Brunette Bikini are standing around a table with parts of a corpse on it.\u00a0 They\u2019re enjoying snacking on the bits when the door is busted down. Cops stream into the room shouting various forms of \u2018freeze\u2019 and \u2018hands up.\u2019<\/p>\n Blonde Bikini, closest to the door, turns to stare at them in blazing anger, but is otherwise immobile.\u00a0 Brunette Bikini stares with a thoughtful expression, with her hands below the edge of the table.<\/p>\n A senior cop enters the room, \u201cIt took a while. This is the first case I\u2019ve worked where the amount of evidence was so much it slowed down analysis.\u00a0 But it\u2019s all over now.\u201d<\/p>\n Blonde Bikini pivots and runs screaming toward the cops, which all open fire at the same time and she drops dead.\u00a0 The guns all shift to Brunette bikini and she continues to stare at them with a thoughtful expression.<\/p>\n She glances at the camera set up to record their cannibalism, shifts around, then slowly brings up her hands, one containing a big butcher knife.<\/p>\n Switching to camera view, she stares directly into the camera. To a cacophony of \u2018drop the knife\u2019s she takes the blade and slices her throat.\u00a0 With an orgasmic expression, she slides out of sight below the table.<\/p>\n Credits role as the view pulls back to reveal it\u2019s on a movie screen.\u00a0 The view shifts to a podium and a presenter stands up to a spot light.<\/p>\n Presenter: \u201cIt should come at no surprise to our viewers that the jury unanimously selected \u2018Cannibal Lesbian Snuff Film – Featuring a lot of Gratuitous T&A\u2019 as their favorite.\u00a0 I must say, the choice of title and subtitle are a fantastic decision, showing his deep understanding of genre aficionados.\u201d<\/p>\n Out of the spotlight, Director sits with a deprecating look of frustration on his face.\u00a0 He heaves a big sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cOnce again, Director is to be awarded best writer, director and editor for this masterpiece.\u00a0 And I\u2019m happy to report, he\u2019s already inked a profitable distribution deal which will put this on all the major streaming services.\u00a0 Put your hands together for the Jury\u2019s first prize.\u201d<\/p>\n The spotlight focuses on the director, who pastes a happy expression on his face as he walks to the podium.<\/p>\n Fade to black.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" OK, I’m going to throw this out to the universe.\u00a0 It’s an idea that came to me whilst taking a nap, just before Christmas, and as enthusiastic as I am about it, nearly every bit of feedback I’ve got is there’s no value in pursuing it.\u00a0 If you’re a producer and this idea is interesting … Continue reading “Free to Good Home: Cannibal Lesbian Snuff Film”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=438"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":439,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions\/439"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/keithalanwriter.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}